So here's my story. I’m 20 years old, and like approximately 60% of boys born in the United States the same year as me, I was circumcised. I assume this was just a regular RIC (routine infant circumcision), most likely taking place within a few hours or days of my birth. The issue of my penile intactness (or lack thereof) has never come up with my parents, not even once, so I’ve always just assumed that there were no unusual or noteworthy circumstances behind it.

Given that the topic never came up with my parents, I didn’t know what circumcision was until I was about 10, which I suppose is a pretty typical age to find that sort of thing out. I learned through a topic on the Off-Topic section of a message board I went on at the time (most people on that site were a little older than me). It was something like “What do you think of circumcision?”, but the topic creator didn’t really explain what circumcision was other than “Personally, I can’t imagine going through life without the tip of my penis.”

Naturally, I assumed this meant cutting off the head - for me, that WAS the tip of my penis. So I looked it up on whatever search engine people used before Google to find out why anyone would ever do that. Lo and behold, I learned what circumcision *actually* was. But, there was one problem.

I did not know whether or not I was circumcised . . .

For another four years.

Y’see… I have what is referred to as a loose circumcision. Meaning, I had (comparatively) less skin removed than some other circumcisions, so that I was still able to move the remaining skin along the shaft/head. In contrast, a tight circumcision removes more skin, and in many cases, renders the shaft skin *completely* immobile. Which type you have really just depends on the technique of the doctor who did it, as well as which circumcision device he used. Besides the difference in skin mobility, a loose cut has a better chance of retaining a decent foreskin remnant (in contrast, tight cuts sometimes leave some remaining foreskin, but often they remove most/all of it).

What is the importance of all that? Well, I didn’t KNOW about the loose cut/tight cut deal when I first found out. And I didn’t realize it was possible to have only some, but not all, of the foreskin removed. So, at the time, I thought of it like this: “If I’m cut, then how come I have this bit of skin that looks different from the rest? Isn’t that foreskin? But if I’m uncut, then how come that bit of skin doesn’t cover the head? And what’s the brown ring? Is that a scar, or a birthmark, or have I been doing a REALLY bad job cleaning myself?”

I didn’t think about the issue too deeply for those four years of not knowing. I thought it was wrong to circumcise babies who cannot consent, but other than wondering from time to time what the deal with my junk was (cause I sure as hell wasn’t going to initiate that awkward conversation with my parents), it wasn’t a big part in my life.

About the age of 14 I learned about loose VS. tight circumcisions and how sometimes only part of the foreskin is removed. I also learned that the thing around my penis is, indeed, a big ugly scar. I wasn’t terribly pleased, but at least I had a definite answer now.

Around that time, I also learned a bit about foreskin restoration. I can’t for the life of me remember how I stumbled upon that, I think it may have been a message board, again. But I didn’t really look into it too deeply. I knew I could not afford any of those devices as a 14 year old and I had no idea you could restore manually (by hand). A few times over the next few years, I did try retaining (keeping the skin pulled over the head) with a rubber band or tape just out of curiosity, but I didn’t have the patience to give it nearly long enough to see any results. So, the issue remained in the back of my mind for just about the rest of my teenage years. I did not look too much into it.

Flash forward to about a year ago. Maybe in March, give or take a month, I don’t remember. I was 19, and was in a very serious relationship with a girl for about a year. Around that time, she gained an interest in Penn & Teller’s Bullshit!, and told me one night she was watching the circumcision episode. I mentioned in passing that I had heard of that episode before, and that they talk about methods for foreskin restoration. It kinda put the whole topic back into my mind, except this time, I wasn’t a 10 year old kid, or a 14 year old job-less, girlfriend-less high schooler. I was a 19 year old man, sexually active, more aware of the full capacity of his body, and (sort of) able to afford those expensive restoring devices.

Maybe it was time for me to actually consider it seriously. After all, being circumcised always did irk me a little. It didn’t ruin my life, or destroy my capacity for sexual pleasure, but I did feel like my penis could be feeling a little more. And I always would have preferred to have my whole body as nature intended it. So I did some research. I learned that you could restore without any sort of device, as long as you were dedicated. And, if I did want a device, I found I could afford one without too much trouble.

After mulling it over for a few days, I decided to give it a go. Then came the moment of informing my girlfriend! I expected terrible awkwardness, but it ended up being, basically, a simple exchange of:

Me: “So, uh, remember the end of that Penn & Teller episode where the guy restored his foreskin?”
Her: “Yeah?”
Me: “I think I’m going to attempt it.”
Her: “Oh? You want yours back?”
Me: “I guess so.”
Her: “Go for it then.”
Me: “You don’t think I’m weird for it?”
Her: “Of course not.”

And so, a burden was lifted off my chest. My loved one didn't think I was a freak for wanting my full genitalia back. To this day, she still supports me, and even helped me purchase my most recent device. It's quite comforting that I don't have to hide any of this from her, and I hope other men who feel the way I do can find the courage to speak up as I did.

Related Links:

• What is foreskin restoration
• Foreskin restoration devices and methods
• Manual foreskin restoration with method 2
• Growing up circumcised and restoring to undo some of the damage