I was "circumcised" the day I was born, like most. Next to the words "reason to operate" were the hand written words "live birth". Since when is "live birth" a disease? My mother claims that she does not remember signing a consent form, so I assume they forged her signature.

Like most men, I was not aware of what was missing while growing up. When I noticed the drawings of Greco-Roman nudes and statues, I asked my mother "Why didn't they finish drawing it?" I guess she explained this to me, but I have no audible memory of her words. I was trying to figure out what she was saying, and was thoroughly confused.

When mother told me that I could be drafted one day, I told her I would cut my penis off She replied "You will bleed to death." I hadn't bled to death from the scar they gave me, and could not figure out how they did this. I was glad I did not have to do it again, but was instinctively curious.

When I grew older, in the back of my mind, I was always curious as to what that foreskin thing was all about. I had mixed and confused feelings, but knew that I wish I had been consulted. Assuming my Dad was cut, I was surprised to find out that he was not circumcised when he told me 35 years later. I grew up in a family that did not support nudity as anything good, so much so that when I went to life drawing classes, I was mortified. That mortification was intensified when I first witnessed a "circumcision."

I saw Wayne Griffiths on television, and wanted to restore my foreskin. Fourteen years ago, my restoration was trial and error. I had the time and was unemployed, so I decided to venture out and try restoring. I did not want the whole thing, or so I thought. Once I started into the first two weeks, that light bulb went off over my head and I learned what the purpose of full coverage meant. I could not have it all at that point, and it made me ill to think I would have to wait years to get some of this back. My inventions and trials over the next 6 years led me to give up expansion because of the extreme excision of my ventral tissues not allowing for a more complete restoration. There is flat, permanently creased tissue where some device was placed during my circumcision and where inflexible scar tissue developed.

Now, my days revolve around when I will shower and reapply my tape ring, which I have to wear daily to retain the effect of full coverage. The loose scrotal tissue compensates for this. My nocturnal erections don't wake me up anymore, but I do wake up if the tape slips off or becomes loose causing a choking sensation. I then curse the fucker who did this and only hope he is suffering the same disturbance somehow. It is so easy to get angry, and why I write such acerbic letters to shows like "The Doctors" and "'Dr.' Oz".

My envy of intact men exists in a way I cannot describe. Its beyond green. When I visit Europe, I call it "the land of the mostly intact." The only consolation I get is the fact that I may have, via my intactivism, stopped someone from suffering a tainted existence of the permanently sexually subjugated.

Related Links:

• Overcoming a botched circumcision (skin bridge)
• What is foreskin restoration