As a woman who has embraced her right to pleasure as a sexual being, I have had experience with both cut and intact men. I always thought that neonatal circumcision was wrong as a form of male genital mutilation. A person should be able to choose permanent changes made to their body. In practice with partners, however, I had not given any thought about circumcision status for the first several years I was sexually active.

From an aesthetic point of view, there is not much difference to me between a cut or intact penis when erect. The glans is typically fully exposed by that point. A flaccid penis is a different story--I prefer the appearance of an intact penis when it's flaccid. A flaccid circumcised penis, to me, appears too much like a child's penis. You certainly don't want to think of changing a toddler's underpants when you're looking at your partner. It's only been recently that I have grown to appreciate the appearance of the glans itself; the smooth sheen of an intact man's glans is far more inviting than the standard skin texture of a circumcised man's, much the same way as men are attracted to the pinker color of a woman's vulva.

During oral sex, I have always noticed a difference between circumcised and intact. An intact man always responds more to oral stimulation than a circumcised man in my experience. Using my hands for added stimulation is easier with an intact man. The smoothness of the glans also made it easier for me to perform deeper oral penetration ("deep throating") without gagging. I have brought intact men to orgasm far more often than circumcised men.

Intercourse is where the true problems have occurred for me. In the earlier years of my sexual experience, when my partners and I were both young, there was no noticeable difference, at least at the time. It has only been in hindsight that I recognized the differences. As a petite woman, I cannot engage in rough sex easily with a partner, particularly if he's large. Looking back on incidents which have caused me pain, nearly ALL of those experiences have been with circumcised men who felt the need for rougher sex in order to feel adequate sensation. Additionally, because the glans and inside of the foreskin are mucous membrane (like a woman's vulva or inside the mouth) which produce a degree of lubrication, sex has been more comfortable with these men, compared to circumcised men whose cut penis absorbs moisture like other areas of skin do. The sliding motion of the skin also makes sex more comfortable by reducing friction. It is that friction from a circumcised penis that often makes a woman's delicate areas sore.

The final straw for me was a long term relationship with a fairly well endowed circumcised man. Sex was perfectly normal for us in the beginning, but it gradually began to take him longer to orgasm. After the first couple of months, it became more common for him to NOT ejaculate than to do so. Having never experienced this so frequently during normal sex, it concerned me that I somehow wasn't pleasing to him. It wasn't until I tried discussing it with him and doing some research that I realized he suffered from Delayed Ejaculation (DE), a sexual disorder most prevalent in circumcised men (and, to a lesser degree, men who have been traumatized by sex somehow, which he also was) when there has been no spinal trauma. At first, this eased my anxiety and I could resume sex with him semi-normally, having intercourse until I reached orgasm -- which he occasionally did as well.

As the relationship progressed and thoughts of permanency began to arise, problems cropped up again. Talking to him about counseling or getting other forms of help to treat his predominantly circumcision caused DE fell on deaf, and some times combative, ears. Wanting a lifelong partnership with this man, kids were obviously something I wanted as well. If he wasn't going to get treated, and this disorder was only going to get worse as a result, how would we be able to conceive a child without expensive fertility treatment, which he would also look upon with disdain or even refuse? My concern grew into incessant worrying, which even went so far as depression at times, and it seriously impacted my desire for this strange version of sex we had continued to have. Though he could still bring me to orgasm, my orgasms increasingly became just a body reacting to stimulation and less the additional psychological response that makes orgasms truly amazing. With the combination of my decreased desire for intimacy and his need to become rougher to compensate, it became more and more frequent that I would feel pain and have to stop before he could even come close to POTENTIAL ejaculation. In a relationship where we already had conflicts about anything even remotely sexual (the human body, sex, his lack of trust in my faithfulness, even platonic intergender relationships), the issues in our sex life brought everything to a boiling point that resulted in a messy breakup.

Though I still have a desire for intimacy with him because of my feelings for him, his circumcised status prevents any arousal I may have. I no longer feel aroused unless I know that a potential partner is intact. Even then, I still can't bring myself to resume sexual activity because of my emotions for my ex.

I'm certain that I'll eventually move past these feelings and re-seize my right to pleasure as a sexual being. But I have extreme doubt that I'll ever be able to have an intimate relationship with another man who is circumcised unless he is actively attempting to restore his foreskin. I feel guilty that I have emotionally penalized circumcised men because I know that the vast majority of them were brutalized as infants. But my relationship with my ex has left me so traumatized that I simply can't move past it any time in the foreseeable future.

Related Links:

• Women's Stories on the Restoring Tally Blog
• I LOVE foreskin
• Intact penises are not ugly
• I'll take mine INTACT, please!
• Woman intactivist truly knows the difference between circumcised and intact
• Women overwhelmingly prefer sex with a man who has a foreskin